Top Secret F.B.I Investigators
by SullenRiot
Summary: Agent's Mulder and Scully are drafted in to a small town in Scotland to take care of some supernatural goings on!


FILE-X54YT4366X7486  
  
TOP SECRET F.B.I INFORMATION  
  
FOR THE EYES OF THE FOLLOWING AGENTS:  
  
SPECIAL AGENT DANA SCULLY  
  
SPECIAL AGENT FOX MULDER  
  
ASSISTANT HEAD MANAGER WALTER SKINNER  
  
BOB ALEWAS ( HE DELIVERS THE PAPERS IN THE MORNING, A GREAT GUY)  
  
INVESTIGATION REPORT  
  
On the night of 13/12/99, Special Agent Fox Mulder and I, Special Agent Dana Scully. Were told by our boss Skinner to head to the town of East Kilbride to investigate a case about a Satanic Cult. East kilbride was in Scotland so Mulder and I were none to happy about travelling that far.  
  
When we arrived at Glasgow airport we were greeted by a rather fat police officer who took us in his squad car to the social gathering of the Satanic Cult.Their leader who went by the name of the Almighty Jade or sometimes called the Almighty Buzzing Cock.  
  
The one they call Jade had many names and was called something different every time we met her, once she was called RRRRRibena Berry, Rosy, Gizmo, John, Billie, Treacle, Jadey-pies, etc. Mulder and I believe that she may have a number of different personalities.  
  
I have to admit I was a tad jealous for Mulder seemed to be a little smitten by the beautiful Buzzing Cock.  
  
We also met the other leaders of the satanic gang they lead the different groups around the town.  
  
The leader of the Stewartfield Satan Society was the infamous Louise Oliver otherwise known as Looby and was known for smashing in the testicles of men if she found them annoying. I have a feeling that Mulder has been going on a few dates or outings if you will, with this twisted persona.  
  
There was also the leader of the evil Giant Ginger's Society, known as Elaine Springall she was known for seducing vulnerable males with her attractive ginger locks and then eating them once she had their trust, truly sick.  
  
There was the violent leader of the St. Leonard's Smart Asses Society, known as Louise Glasgow.  
  
This "female" is extremely violent, hostile and mentally disturbed and is known to strike without warning for no apparent reason.  
  
All of these extremely attractive female Satan gang leaders tried to seduce my Mulder and lead him to their satanic brotHELL at the key.  
  
PERSONAL DETAILS OF SUSPECTS  
  
LOUISE OLIVER (LOOBY);  
  
She has an extensive background assisting in black magic, witch craft with the Buzzing Cock. She has been known to cast many love spells on a number of males to get them to join their cult, one of which went by the name Nai Gnimmiks. I think that must be an anagram. She has a number of hideouts and is also known as the black widow spider, she seduces then savages her dates. She has been known to take her dates to the local UCI cinema, which had recently been set on fire, one guess who it was. This town is in great danger as these satanic arcinists can strike at any time and savage the town and leave the few surviving disturbed victims. How will we stop her, she has been sighted on many Saturdays with Gizmo, planning their attacks and alibi's, the local cemetery has had to extend the grave yard, because of the number of savage killings, the locals want to know when these brutal attacks will ever end.  
  
ELAINE SPRINGALL (GIANT GINGER, BEEFCAKE);  
  
She had a background in professional autopsies and surgical removal of the abdomen. She also has a criminal record for rape, child molesting and impersonating Elvis Presley.  
  
She has large collection of pornography videos, we have heard that she has it stored in a large warehouse which has a number of expensive security systems. We are beginning to wonder if there is an end to this woman's talent and long string of seduced, lifeless victims. This woman is unstoppable, we need international help, this is going to be a long and hard job, we have a feeling she will be eventually stopped and put and to this Satanism.  
  
  
  
LOUISE GLASGOW (BIG MOUTHED BESSY, DOG FACED SLAPPER);  
  
She has a well educated background and has been known to bribe female teachers and sleep with male ones in order to get her good marks, sick as it may seem its true. I just don't want to know what she does with her lecturers.  
  
She has been known to flirt A LOT with not just guys and I don't want to go into that in too much detail. She has a professional background in archaeology and hiding things, we have come to believe she has hidden a number of mangled bodies of x-class pupils. We have tried to contact those still remaining, but the have refused to comment, why, I wonder. So far we have only found one weakness to this fiend, her eyebrow, we were told if she is retrained and slapped on the eyebrow or shocked with her metal appendage she will refrain from this evilness, which is a viable option.  
  
JADE LOGUE (BUZZING COCK, GIZMO, TREACLE, RRRRIBENA BERRY, and JOHN ETC.);  
  
Amazing as it may seem we have found a weakness to this powerful immortal being.  
  
He goes by the name of Peter Connoley. We plan to use this Peter to our advantage in finding out the Buzzing Cocks deepest darkest secrets so that we may foil her plan of world domination.  
  
She has an extensive collection of dead budgies for which she uses to throw at old women in wheel chairs and pregnant women. She also has a background in black magic, witchcraft, and she has taught a number of well known witches, who we plan to contact to try and find out if this Gizmo has ever mentioned anything about her well known Satanic Cult. Last year in the month of February, we were told that she went out on a chainsaw massacre with the Giant Ginger and Looby, we hear it was a rather dull and dark Saturday afternoon just like today's. We have found another weakness of this Devil he goes by the name of Nikki Wire, he has had to had have his whereabouts concealed as this Devils is going to strike on him at any moment, if he comes round we might have to use him as bate, as I have a feeling Mulder might come to a bloody end. 


End file.
